This moring I finished a 30 day devotion. Admittedly, it took me about 35 days, but I did indeed finish. I was so excited when the congratulatory note popped up on my computer screen celebrating my accomplishment. Why did I get such a rush and sense of pride from this seemingly, insignificant victory?
I've come to the realization there is one thing in particular at which I excel and am quite consistent in completing. However, my abnormal skill at doing this one thing leaves me feeling defeated and frustrated. My over-achiever status in this department causes me to engage in negative self-talk; the likes of which I would be appalled to say to anyone other than the inside of my own mind. So, what is this one thing that I am confident I can do as good or better than just about anyone else? Quit. Yep, I am a serial quitter. If things get hard? Quit. Something else looks better or more fun? Quit. A news report or Pinterest post indicates there is something superior, more effective, or just plain easier than what I am doing? Quit. All of this quitting, and my failure and fear to commit to something means I never finish anything. Fact: I cannot remember the last thing I saw through to completion other than the last season of Parenthood on Netflix or a strong cup of coffee. (I’m still recovering from Parenthood, btw.)
Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. Proverbs 4:25-27
When it comes to finishing things, Jesus set the ultimate example. With His last utterance, "It is finished," He stated unequivocally that He had, despite unimaginable obstacles and pain, completed what He came to earth to complete. In fact, it is because of His perseverance, obedience and steadfast spirit that I even have the freedom, will and ability to finish tasks set before me. Yet, I don't claim or walk in this victory. Just like the Old Testament Israelites, I return to the slavery and bondage of my old familiar ways. When I embark on a new journey and begin to enter a new land, I get scared or overwhelmed and run for the comfort of what I know, even if I know it's not what is best for me. Consequently, I fear I've never experienced the full measure of God's blessing in my life. Moreover, my failure to finish is not a victimless crime. As my very wise pastor likes to remind us, more is caught than taught when it comes to child rearing. Oh boy. I can only imagine the infectious diseases I've passed on to my daughters: complacency, lack of integrity, fear and the tendency to give up right before it gets really good. The fact that my daughters are vibrant, accomplished, talented go-getters is living proof of the mighty work of God and evidence the Holy Spirit can and does trump my parenting inadequacies.
So, what are these huge mountains I fail to climb and the grand goals I never see through to completion? That's just the thing. The bulk of the stuff I quit isn't comprised of insurmountable obstacles or earth shattering commitments. I give up on stuff like DIY projects, books, workout programs, puzzles, better eating choices, or devotional reading plans.
But, as I am now realizing, I'll never work up to scaling higher mountains or shooting for the stars if I don't first start with some baby steps and get some wins.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. Colossians 3:23
I need to exercise some discipline in my life and exhibit a little stick-to -itness.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
I need to invite in some accountability and submit to someone I trust to have authority over me in these areas.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
I need to see some things through to completion and experience the blessings of God. In doing so, my faith will grow and my desire to move from tackling small hills just might grow to summiting some mountains.
...Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
I suppose this brings us to the part where I get specific about my goals and publicly commit to finishing a few things. While I have definitely started a list and have invited the accountability and authority of the hubs, I will let you in on a few in the hope that, for all my fellow serial quitters, it may inspire you to make a list of your own. I examined my life in the spiritual, physical and emotional areas and committed to the following:
1) Complete the CCV Bible in a year plan. I used to do this every year but haven't done so in about 3 years. I am happy to report I started on January 4 and have stayed up to date.
2) Complete the 8 week 'I Quit Sugar Plan' by Sarah Wilson. I bought this book last summer on vacation and never touched it after we returned home. Not gonna lie, this sort of feels like a mountain. The stuff is everywhere and I love the stuff. I began today, February 3.
3) Complete a 60 day workout plan. The hangup with workouts for me is not that I stop working out, but that I jump from plan to plan and switch routines like it's going out of style. I definitely suffer from shiny object syndrome (SOS) when it comes to fitness. As such, I have chosen a plan that I can see through from start to finish. The goal is to complete the plan and then share my results and write a review of the same. Whoa - that’s like two goals in one. Go me!
4) Complete the two books I am currently reading, Soul Keeping by John Ortberg and Love Does by Bob Goff, this month. Thereafter, complete one book per month.
5) Finish painting the chalkboard walls in my office and my girls’ rooms. This is one of those DIY projects that I began and almost finished. Completing this project isn’t just for my benefit, or for aesthetics. Painting the walls says to my girls that I am a mother who does what she says is going to do when she says she is going to do it. Integrity: something I want them to catch.
6) Complete the puzzle on which I am currently working and have been since November. I know this may seem like a silly goal, but puzzles are something I really enjoy and help me to relax. Thus, if I commit time to finishing a puzzle, what I am really committing to is carving out some down time in my crazy schedule just for me.
My actual list is longer and includes things like gardens, sewing projects, new recipes and bible studies. Also, it should be noted, it incudes a book. Not a book to be read, but one to be written. This is an idea that was started long ago in my heart and mind and whose time has come to be finished. Alas, I’d better get writing. For it will never be done if I fail to begin.
And yes, all those checkmarks in my journal denoting tasks and projects that have been seen through to the end are to me, quite simply, so lovely.
xoxo
